5 reasons why you might be dreading Christmas
Health Warning: If you’re actually looking forward to Christmas you might want to give this a miss!
It starts early. November – very likely before. Christmas. It’s supposed to conjure up happy memories from childhood, anticipation of lights, tinsel, brightly overladen Christmas trees, presents, mince pies, roast turkey and getting plastered.
But it just doesn’t do it for you. Actually – it brings you feelings of anxiety and dread. You’d rather do without it, thank you very much. Trouble is, you dare not tell anyone, unless you’re lucky enough to find someone who shares your hatred of all things Christmassy. You don’t want to be seen as the Christmas Grinch!
But why? Here are some reasons you may identity with. Not an exhaustive list - perhaps you could add some more.
You’ve been invited to share Christmas with someone you can’t stand. Examples – mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, their kids, your kids, your mum, your dad, your brother, your sister, your partner– the list goes on. They may be okay to spend an hour or so with, but a whole day, 24 hours, 48 hours. Gawd! The time just drags. Best to just sit there and look at your phone. But that’s what you do whenever you’re bored – and they know it. Better just to stay trying to look relaxed with a stupid smile on your face. Try and make conversation without reminding them of the family arguments, political arguments, times you’ve inadvertently (or deliberately) offended them. It was years ago but you know they still hate you.
Or maybe they’re just annoying. They never stop talking. Or even worse, they never start. The latter are hard work, the former give you a headache and make your ears sore. You make more trips to the bathroom than are necessary. You offer to help in the kitchen but unfortunately are turned down and are forced to crawl back to the zone of captivity.You are going to be on your own. This is the opposite. No one has invited you to spend Christmas with them. Not even the people you hate, even though that might be something to be grateful for. Hateful people who avoid you. Lovely.
Being on your own is tolerable most of the year. There are things you can do. You can “enjoy your own company”. But by the time it gets to Christmas “your own company” is becoming increasingly less entertaining and quite frankly, getting to be a crushing bore. People ask you what you’re doing for Christmas, and you reply, “I’m just going to sit at home, put my feet up and enjoy a bottle of whisky”. The way they look at you makes you feel like disappearing into the ground. You know what they are thinking – “what a sad loser”.It brings up memories… Whether these are good or bad ones, they have one thing in common – they bring you a lot of pain. You shared Christmas with someone you loved – once, twice, so many times – and now they’re gone. The heartache – feels more like your heart is in agony, it unbearable. You thought you were getting over it, but the reminder of times together at what should be a special time has brought it all flooding back. Others try and cheer you up. No, Uncle Fred, I really don’t think you are funny! The presents you receive don’t even start to give back what you’ve lost. Faces look like ghosts, they’re just a blur – you feel like you’re alone – interacting with them takes all your energy. You feel they can tell you’re not really present for them.
Christmas might also bring up bad memories. When there was conflict. When there was loss. When something really awful happened. You’d rather forget about it. But the decorations, the lights, the carols all bring it back.It’s just boring. Sitting around eating nuts and cake and make inane conversation just isn’t your thing. You like being busy doing things. The things you love. It might be work. Not everyone loves working, but you do. You feel yourself. You feel empowered. You feel you are making a difference – expanding your business, extending your research, getting noticed by the boss, helping those who need to be helped, changing the world.
Or it’s your other interests – been part of a sports team, walking in the countryside, travelling to new parts of the world, gaming, paragliding, partying. Life’s just too short to be just sitting around. The carols you’ve heard since you were a child, the Christmas hits that get regurgitated year after year-they nauseate you. If you’ve seen one Christmas tree you’ve seen them all.I just can’t afford it. It’s the expectations. You’ve got a wide circle of family and friends. They always buy you presents – you feel you should do so too. Trouble is, they have money and you don’t. They won’t hear of an amnesty. “Just get us something small if you can’t afford it”. Sure, but it’s embarrassing. The kids won’t forgive you, in any case. It’s your turn to invite your mum and dad and your brother and his family over for Christmas day. How on earth are you going to cope? It’s all too much!
So, what has this all got to do with counselling? Despite what your in-laws and family might think, hating Christmas is not a mental health condition. But having someone who is going to listen - without making judgments and seeking to help you understand yourself goes a long way to getting through this difficult time. There’s nothing like feeling free to speak your mind!
Not that you will be cured and grow to love Christmas. Can you think of anything more awful? But being able to accept who you are, and what you love and don’t love, without feeling awkward about being honest with those gaga about Christmas or think one should at least make an effort to pretend. Sometimes it means saying “no” to that invitation which you would only accept to please. That you don’t have to feel ashamed if you are on your own at Christmas. Accepting that the grief of missing a loved one at this time of year is both honouring them and showing that you are a whole person even without them. You don’t have to be bored – check out and do your own thing or suggest something everyone will enjoy – including yourself. Don’t feel you have to spend a lot of money at Christmas, even though it is expected. You can show you love them in other ways.